Getting sober is one thing but staying sober is another.

And staying sober during a pandemic is another

Right now I’m finding it tough.
I have had many urges to get wasted recently.
I have cried myself to sleep with the pain of grief and letting go.
I am healing and its hard and vulnerable.
Part of me does want to run away and numb it all you know?

When the majority of people think someone is so hero-like, but to you they where someone who hurt you, that is so tough.
My truth is not reflected back to me.

This requires so much self-love and care. To NOT take it on board and NOT feel shame and blame around it.
And in those times I do feel shame and blame around it to just feel it, allow it and process it.

In therapy, it feels like going over the same stuff sometimes. The same trauma. However, it is different because of its different layers and each time I am trusting my body more and more. It knows what to do and what it needs to do. Somatic work is huge and I continue to learn what it means each time I show up.
So much letting go recently in my life and its challenging and feels raw.

I just checked on my app and today its 780 days of not drinking or smoking anything. It is a huge achievement. And one I needed to read just now.
I can’t go to a real AA meeting in person but I know I need to go to an online one. Pull in on all the resources that I still have available.
I’m writing this for those struggling today. I am too.
And I see you and all I can say is just hold on for today because that is what I’m going to do.
My truth and my voice(just like yours) are just as important now as then when I couldn’t speak up and out.
I am learning and growing in my power amid all the tears and pain, healing is happening.

Thanks for reading

*Keep Shining* 🙏🌈💖