Just noticed it’s been one year and one month since I began writing this blog! And I’ve noticed not written anything here for two months! So a small offering of words and pictures😊
Since inter-county travel restrictions have lifted have got to see some family and friends. It was so so wonderful especially since my Dad was ill for some time. I am so grateful he is still here and is recovering well.
Have been busy back at work which has been hectic as it’s still a novelty to be dining outside🤔😁We have been preparing,making and serving food to the masses and it’s been exciting and exhausting!!
So with the exhaustion I decided to leave my job as a chef to pursue other dreams!
I thought I would leave soon like in a week. But had a change of heart when the owner fought for me and offered me a great deal.
So now I will take some holidays and leave more secure in September.
I feel better and more at peace about it. When I made the decision a part of me felt like I was running away.
I have been doing some work with my 12-year-old and some fears resurfaced that I got to work through in therapy.
My shy vulnerable 12 years old often wants to run away from situations.
In this sense, I can make a decision quickly when often what is needed is time and space.
I’m excited about the future. I start college in September and have some business ideas to try to get up and running too.
In the past month, our community,my friends here has been shocked once again by someone’s death by suicide.
The actual sudden death of someone who appears to be young and healthy is hard but this way feels so so more shocking.
It’s breathtaking and unimaginable upon hearing the news. I feel so much empathy for anyone who knows someone who has died in this way. It’s a heavy thud of grief.
Her death has also taught me that death is closer than we think.
We sometimes feel and live like it’s far off but it’s not. We imagine those old and sick will die first but this is not true. I think in the past year we have all learned this.
Death is not the end. I have changed my entire thinking on it since Star went and Rachel and now Saskia.
My heart believes trusts even,that they all live on.
Just not in their earthly bodies.🙏
Recently I celebrated 900 days sober from alcohol. Also nicotine and drugs. So so happy to be on this path. I don’t miss anything about having a drink! Nothing. It’s a miracle!!
I know I am one drink away at any time from changing that.
One “oh sure I can control my drinking” and for me, that would be very destructive.
I am proud of myself. For what feels like forever feeling proud and good about myself felt wrong. Like it wasn’t allowed or it should be doused in shame!But fuck it feeling good about yourself and your achievements and getting through this pandemic should be shouted out and celebrated in all the rainbow colours!!!
One day at a time is all we have.
Keep Shining and thanks for reading!